I haven't slept but a few hours since all of this has happened.
It's hard to breath......it's hard to feel......it's just plain hard.
Today I must say goodbye to a wonderful person. Something I thought I was ready for. I've been up since 4 this morning after trying to go to bed at midnight. I'm not ready. I'm not as strong as I thought I was. I thought I could handle all of this. Thought I could breath through all of this, thought I handle. I'm a strong person....."I'm a Langham-we can handle all kinds of stuff". Nope not me. Nope not today.
I'm NOT ready. NOT at all.
My pain is deep and it hurts. It hurts soooooooooooooooooooo bad.
I miss her so much. I miss our talks, our little chats, our everyday conversations. I miss getting up at my daddy's house to Paulette already awake-"Good Morning, Stephanie! How'd you sleep last night?" "Are you ready for breakfast-homemade biscuits & country ham."
Why does this have to be happening? Why must I HAVE to say goodbye? WHY?WHY?WHY? I just don't understand! Why can't she be here to chat with me? Why can't she be here to hold my sweet baby one more time? Why can't she be here to tell me I love you? WHY? WHY? WHY?
Until we meet again, my wonderful Step-Mom. I will miss you sooooooooo much. I LOVE YOU!!!! LOVE YOU SOOOOO MUCH. Rest well, Rest well-Paulette.
~MOMMA B
Praying for you. God will see you through!
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