Sometimes I just don't understand??????

Life it's always a piece of cake. To be quite honest it's just not fair.

I'm just being real here. Because I am human!!!
I'm screaming/crying/asking WHY??????? Why God did you allow this UGLY disease to come into my family. Why God are you taking someone sooooooooo special to me? Why does she have to be in pain? Why can't you just allow her to stay longer without pain?  WHY GOD? WHY?

I know I'm being selfish and I have NO right to question God. But I'm hurting. Hurting because

1. I'm sooooo far away.
2. Because my daddy is hurting.
3. Because someone that I LOVE so much is dying & there is nothing I can do about it. 
4. Because hospice has been called in (which means that the end is closer that it's ever been)
5. Because I'm NOT ready & I don't want to say goodbye!!!!
6. Because I'm just plain MAD.

Like I said, I know I have no right. And I know that my God is near to me because he tells me so in his word.

So I'm asking that you will pray not for me but for the following:
That the Lord would heal her completely

OR

2. That HE would take her pain away (however HE sees fit).

Then:

3. Pray for my dad, Bill, who is taking care of her and having to see her everyday suffer.

4. Pray for her children, step-children, & grandchildren.

5. Pray for Nick as he prepares to speak at her funeral (if the Lord doesn't heal her).

6. Pray for the people who will come to her funeral. That if they don't know the Lord that they will come to know Him.

I heard this song on my way home and tears just welled up in my eyes. I have been soooooo strong but I just broke, broke down. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1CSVqHcdhXQ 

Blessings by Laura Story

We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

‘Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe

‘Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know the pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home,
It's not our home

‘Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are your mercies in disguise

~Momma B