Life ain't always beautiful......

 

I just want to tell you about the other woman in this photo. Her name is Paulette. She's my step-mom. She is one of the most amazing, caring, kind, compassion women I know.

My dad and her have been together for almost 15 years. And on July 6th of this year will have been married for 10 years. She's one of the most amazing women I know. She step up to the plate not to be my mother but to be my friend. She has always said that I'm not here to take your mother's place but to be your friend. And a friend she has been. She has taught me so much from cooking, to baking, a little hand sowing, how to be a women, how to be a friend, how to love, just to name a few things. 

In October of 2010, just a few short months ago, she was diagnosed with cancer. Yes, that UGLY "C" word. It has taken her from a strong independent woman to someone dependent on others for help. Something that is hard for her to swallow.

You see, her and my dad weren't able to meet Levi right after his birth. So, just a few weeks ago, Nick & I travel to GA just for her to meet our sweet boy. What a joy it was to watch her hold him, love on him, and just plain enjoy him. He (Levi) brought her complete and total JOY for the time that we were there and for the next several days later. He still is all that she talks about when I do talk to her. And that I am grateful for.

After talking with her yesterday, I know that she's in great pain. I know that the doctors have given her the strongest medicine that they can legal give her to have filled before calling in hospice. I know that she is depressed and I also know that now she has given up. She says she tired-tired of fighting, tired of being in pain, just plain tired. She doesn't want to fight anymore. All those words pierced my heart. They cut deep. I have been praying for some time now that God would please just heal this awesome woman he brought into my life, that He would make her whole again, so that she could be here with us longer. I know that that is selfish, but I want her here with us. 

But my prayer now is that if God isn't gonna heal her, that He would take the pain from her. Yes, those are hard words to type/say. But I HATE to hear her like this, I HATED to see her the way she was while were were home. YES, I still want her healed but if it's not God's perfect will for her life then I don't want her in pain. 

As my family and I prepare for the worst, which my dad believes is sooner than it's ever been, please pray for us. She hasn't eaten in over a week, she hasn't been sleeping well, she's in continuous pain, she has given up, which is what makes him believe that. Also, please pray for Nick as he prepares for her funeral. My dad ask him if he would be willing to do it with their Pastor. And of course, Nick counts it an honor, but still a hard task to do. Your prayers are much appreciated!

.......But it's a beautiful ride.

~Momma B